Last week I had the pleasure of hosting an amazing woman who was willing to teach me everything she knows about essential oils in exchange for a place to sleep for a couple of nights.
It’s funny when you know someone online only and when your relationship is strictly ‘business’ and you really don’t know anything personal about each other. Before she came she was completely unaware that I am the mother of 4 unschooling children, that I am breastfeeding a toddler and that we live in a 2 bedroom bungalow.
Not only that, but the day she arrived (after a 6 hour drive) my 23-month-old son became very sick with a fever and vomiting after every time he nursed.
Yup, my sink was stacked with dishes, I hadn’t vacuumed the living room or changed the sheets on her bed, I hadn’t cooked supper and my fridge was pretty much empty.
And you know what? I didn’t panic. In the past, my control-freak-desperate-need-to-impress-others personality would have had me running around trying to tend to my sick babe while being super-duper-housemaker-hero. Instead, I relaxed into accepting what my day had in store and into realizing that I could not control another person’s perception of what was going on at my house.
When my friend called from the road I let her know that my son was sick and she advised me which essential oils to begin to treat him with. And of course when she arrived she was totally unflappable, jumped in to help me and praised me for sitting on the couch with my sick little boy while he nursed and slept.
What a relief! But even if she had chosen not to stay at my house I would have understood. I had accepted that my day would unfold in the way that would be best for us. (But I sure did have the good fortune to learn TONS about essential oils over 2 days! Wow!)
Do you ever feel like you are comfortable and confident with your non-mainstream life with your kids–until your life falls under someone else’s scrutiny? For the longest time I tried to live in a bubble so that I didn’t have to let anyone notice that our values and practices are different from theirs. I lacked the personal integrity to really stand behind my decisions, preferring to blend in rather than risk having to defend myself.
But I no longer feel defensive. I feel Free to be me and I feel completely Joyful about my life with my family.
How can you get comfortable with your normal, no matter how different it is from mainstream living?
- Never apologize for being happy. That other people choose to live in angst and frustration is their business. Do not hide your joy because it might be the first glimpse into conscious living that someone else has ever had.
- Live in the moment, not in the future. You can’t know what will happen next so just enjoy what you have.
- Be clear on your values and live them every moment. That others are not connected to their own integrity does not have to push you out of yours.
- Like attracts like. The more you confidently display your joy and love, the more you will bring people to your life who are living at the same vibration as you and your family.
I am pretty much a non-conformist, doing what I believe I should do and not what society thinks (okay, with one probable exception, if I ever have a boy [hint: I'm Jewish] but that’s not what I wanted to talk about). Mostly I’m okay with not being in the mainstream, but when talking in my SMC* about vaccinations.. I have learnt to shut up, to not talk about not vaccinating as instead of having a civilized discussion, it is always an attack on non vaccinators and then it turns personal (“you are that awful parent who also sleeps with her child and doesn’t let her develop her independence”). I hate that the voice heard is only the one saying yes to vaccinations (and that’s why in the past I did try and speak up) but I find these personal attacks too much for me.
*single mothers by choice, in case you don’t know the acronym
The story of my life! I always feel so sad and disappointed with myself when I lose confidence in myself and my decisions around people who are openly disapproving. I try to remind myself that I have nothing to prove, and that I know I am doing the right thing, but I often end up feeling like a child myself (not a good example to my kids!). I can say that I am getting better as my children get older and I settle into my roll as Mama. Although, I admit that after 4 days with my MIL this past weekend, I did find myself saying, “well, she’s MY kid,” after the hundredth time I had to hear, “I would/wouldn’t do ______.” I had reached my limit, sigh.
I can totally relate to this. We have been relocated back to a rural Maritime area from larger center for 3 yrs now. Previously we were across Canada from any family, extended or immediate for more than 14 yrs. That transition back to our childhood home, with our choices as a family, to this very small community posed some personal challenges for myself. We have 8 and 10 yr old boys.Our family is one of two home educators in our village:) So our Life Learning/ Unschooling/ “Live and Let Live” Lifestyle was a very unconventional thing for many. I did find myself, and still do, being very self conscious. Then I get highly saddened and irritated with myself, at which point I seem to release and the kids and I go have fun. What a cure for getting over me
I do find it a daily exercise in “getting comfortable with my normal”. I remind myself everyday about how much I love having the kids home and how much I do love our choices!
Our non mainstream living started with the decision to hire a midwife for our first baby’s birth. There are No midwives in fort Mcmurray, so we hired one in Edmonton … 500km away.
And our plan was to have a n unmedicated, water birth in an Edmonton hotel suite.
People laughed, called us crazy, dangerous, stupid, etc.
But we had the last laugh and out daughter was born safely and peacefully as planned in 6 hours.
Then we started cloth diapering and elimination communication.
We decide not to vaccinate or use unnatural medications for our baby
Then we began to use family cloth and all natural toiletries and cleaning products.
Next step is to plant our own garden and go vegetarian. Maybe even vegan!
Unschooling/ life learning will be the norm in our house and people will think its weird. Just like every thing else. But that’s a good way to start opening eyes, changing mindsets and well, making non-mainstream more normal.
We don’t mind being called crazy. We know we’re doing good things.