Page 2 :: Canadian Unschooler

A Few Reasons to Unschool

By Patti @ Canadian Unschooler · Comments (2)

Monday, July 9th, 2012

Independence

My children have rarely expressed any desire to be away from home without at least one of their parents, and it would go completely against my parenting style to push them away when they are clearly not ready. Dependence is the natural precursor to independence, just as winter in the natural precursor to spring. You can’t rush spring and you can’t rush independence.

Their independence has come about so naturally without any push from outside sources. My daughters (ages 8, 6, and 4yrs) play independently virtually all day, rarely needing my help to solve a problem. They choose to meet many of their own physical needs, too, rather than ask for help. I respect their choices and admire the way they take care of each other and themselves.

Desire to Learn

Unschooling was my natural next step in attachment parenting. I have trusted my kids to show me what they needed since birth, and they continue to show me what levels of social interaction, intellectual stimulation and access to new resources they require in order to feel safe, happy, fulfilled, challenged and respected. Their level of contentment stems directly from how I honour their needs by trusting them to show me what they need.

My trust in them is fostered by my belief that children are not ‘blank slates’ waiting for knowledge to be taught to them. What I believe is that they are born already wired to seek out information and opportunities. Their brains require that they are constantly seeking knowledge, so who am I to decide what knowledge they should seek? They already know what their brains need to develop optimally, and I just provide the space and love to let it happen.

Family Connection

I really enjoy being around my children. They are really super-cool individuals!! I love waiting for the ways they surprise me everyday. The other day Jasmine spontaneously wrote the names of all of her siblings: What a cause for celebration!! And they are so funny!!–watching Anna try to put ponytails in Holly’s hair had me guffawing into my oatmeal!!

If being in the constant company of your children makes you feel exhausted, overwhelmed and frustrated, then this is not the life for you. Perhaps some digging deep into the reasons why you love your children while not enjoying them very much could help you to find freedom from your limiting beliefs. For me, the little moments of joy that happen all day long refresh and renew my love for my children. I would miss them so much if they went away everyday and they would miss out on so much joy with each other.

Sibling Connection

Julian, at 23 months, has such a close and significant relationship with his sisters. He already knows so much more about family dynamics and social cues than Anna (my oldest) did at the same age. He is delighted by having his sisters to entertain him, and learns so much from them, and they from him!! I am humbled by how thoughtful and gentle Anna and Holly and Jasmine are with regards to Julian’s needs. They are able to put their own needs or wants aside when it is clear that he needs my immediate attention. So many days I give them long hugs and thank them for being so kind and patient with their baby brother. Fostering this connection is a big part of why I unschool.

Real Life Experience

Finally, I unschool because I really believe that children need to experience life first hand in our home and community. They need to play, but they also need to bake and garden and buy groceries and put away laundry. They need to make messes and figure out ways to clean them up. They need to talk to the neighbours we meet on the sidewalk and they need to watch the garbage truck lift and dump our bins. They learn by doing, watching, listening and touching all day long. And at the end of each day their little brains have done what they were wired to do: learn.

How precious is this time when they are learning every minute. And how exciting.

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Categories : UNconditional Parenting, UNschool Today!

Giving Money to Children

By Patti @ Canadian Unschooler · Comments (0)

Wednesday, July 4th, 2012

We UN-MONEY. Are you surprised?

Everything that mainstream parenting ‘experts’ tell you about how to teach your children to be responsible with money is pretty much the opposite of what we do. For one thing, we talk about money. Not bills. Not income. Not taxes. Money.

We say things like this: It is easy to make money. Money comes as naturally as air. If you need money, you will have it. You deserve to have every good thing that money can buy to aid you in the fulfilment of your true potential. If you want to get something, give something. Money is meant to help you have the life you were born for.

Did some of those sentences make you uncomfortable? We all have a lot of emotion tied up in our personal relationships with MONEY. Whatever emotions my children have toward money, I want them to be positive, so we do a lot of positive talk about money.

At our house, we don’t use the word ‘allowance’. To me, the concept behind the term ‘allowance’ is an implied statement of This is MY money but I’ll let you have a wee bit that I think you can handle and deserve. That’s the way my father viewed money when I was a child, and it is the exact opposite of the way I now approach money with my own children.

As an Unschooling family, we believe that the best way to learn about money is to participate in money matters. We are not secretive about our finances and our children are given as much information as they ask for. We don’t hide from our children that we have far more money than some families and far less than others.

The way I look at it, we are fortunate to have enough income and money from other sources that we are easily able to meet our needs for a decent home, healthy food, weather-appropriate clothing and learning-rich experiences. We save a little and we waste a little, but there is usually discretionary money available on a regular basis. Because our income allows us some flexibility, we choose to share money with our children.

Generosity

It’s my opinion and experience that children are not naturally selfish but that they learn selfishness from adults. I try hard to be generous in ways that my children can see, not for accolades and glory, but to show them that there are many ways to be generous. For example, whenever a mom in our neighbourhood has a new baby, we bring them a meal or some baking. I also gave all my maternity clothes to a Teen Pregnancy Centre rather than trying to sell them on Craigslist. I’m no hero; I just try to do what I can with the time, energy and resources that I have at my disposal.

Being generous to children is not about giving them everything that they ask for, but more about sharing authentically with them. I can’t assign an arbitrary value to their worth in the family, or say that a 7-year-old deserves more money than a 5-year-old or expect them to work for their money. Our income has already been worked for, so no one should have to work for it a second time.

As such, we give our children each an equal share of whatever discretionary money exists. When our insurance company reimburses us for prescription drugs, we divide it up equally. When I sell something on Craigslist, I share my earnings. We call it ‘pocket money’ or ‘spending money’. What’s ours is theirs. We’re all in this together.

Responsibility

We have a finite amount of money that we as a family are all responsible for spending and saving. If we all got everything we wanted all the time, we would soon be in extreme debt. If we tried to save every penny, we would end up eating really unhealthily. So it’s a balance and we all bring our own priorities to assigning how our money will be spent.

We try to model responsible spending habits and our children are well aware of the choices we make to live the lifestyle we’ve chosen. We don’t think that having responsible spending habits is the same as hoarding money or going without things that we really enjoy just because ‘austerity’ seems to be in fashion. Instead, we let our children have a say in how our money gets spent: they choose food at the grocery store, they help us plan vacations, they pick which places we want to buy annual memberships for.

Quality Purchases

If your child’s income is limited to a dollar or two per week (or a dollar per year of age, as many people suggest is ‘appropriate’), it is very hard for your child to ever make substantial purchases. I personally hate the cheap crap at dollar stores and I don’t take my children there. I want them to value quality and usefulness over quantity and trendiness.

Imagine a young adult earning an income of $20,000 who is responsible for all her living expenses and is trying to save money for a car. She’s going to buy the cheapest car she can afford, even if it isn’t reliable. But imagine how just a 25% increase in her income could dramatically improve her choices!

This is the theory behind why I give my children a generous portion of our discretionary money. I have seen that when they have cheap crayons and paper that they lose interest in drawing. I have seen that when they have poorly sewn stuffed animals, they don’t take care of them. They naturally prefer higher quality items, and I don’t want them to spend their money on inexpensive poorly-made toys just to get a few moments of happiness. These are partly my values, but also what I have seen is their natural approach to their possessions.

I don’t consider this attitude toward owning quality items to be snobbish or to create entitlement. On the contrary, it makes them very good stewards of their money and their property. What they own is worth something to them so they take good care of their possessions.

Accountability

Can you imagine if a friend gave you a gift certificate to your favourite restaurant and then insisted on telling you what you were and were not allowed to eat there? Kind of crazy, eh? Well, I’m sure that you get my point which is that I don’t tell my children how to spend their money. They don’t have to be accountable to me for every dollar.

However, I do tell them that certain expenses are their own responsibilities. For example, if they want to buy something for each other for a birthday or Christmas, it comes out of their own spending money. Additionally, if they want new craft supplies in between birthdays or Christmas, they must buy them themselves. This helps them to learn to ‘budget’ their consumables (such as paper and glue sticks). It also makes their acts of generosity entirely genuine (since I don’t really consider that they bought each other some gifts unless they pay for them).

How much?

You want to know, don’t you?

When we remember, we give them each $5/week. We also give them $5 for each tooth that falls out. And $40 at birthdays (in addition to gifts). There are also occasional bonuses: last spring I had a yard sale and I gave them each 20% of my revenue. And when I sell something big (like a stroller) on Craigslist, then I share the money with everyone.

So how do you handle giving your kids money?

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Categories : UNconditional Parenting

Learning to Trust my Children

By Patti @ Canadian Unschooler · Comments (2)

Monday, July 2nd, 2012

There was a day last February when the weather in Toronto was unbelievable. The temperature set a record high: 10C. We played outside in the sunshine in the morning and the girls even brought their scooters out to the sidewalk and then they played on the swings and monkey bars in the backyard.

In the late afternoon, as the wind was picking up, Partner-guy went back outside to pick up and secure some toys and branches in our yard and Jasmine wanted to go out too. She slipped into her velcro running shoes and headed out the door. No coat. No hat. No mitts. No boots. She was ready to go in a flash.

It wasn’t really warm enough to be outside without a coat–her father’s choice to dress in shorts notwithstanding. Most reasonable mothers would have insisted on at least a jacket and a hat, if not boots and mitts, too. I’m reasonable, but I’ve developed a level of trust with my little girls that let me just smile as she ran out to be with her dad.

I’m sure that lots of mothers have let their children play outside without being dressed for the weather. Some do it intentionally, some absent-mindedly, some without even knowing. And lots of mothers have probably run outside after their children to dress them in warmer clothes whether the child wants them or not. I admit, I considered bringing her a coat, but I’ve learned to trust.

Here’s how.

Am I asking my child to change her behaviour because I am afraid of what other people will think of me? I ask myself this question a lot. I admit that I care what other people think of me as a mother, but I care what my children think of me as a mother more. If I let her do things her way, I have to let go of my concern about the judgements of others.
Is there irrevocable harm or imminent danger in letting her make her own choice? There are definitely times when children want to do things that they can’t, but those times don’t seem to happen very often at our house. I have helped little girls to use sharp knives and to handle a hot glue gun. In fact, I have found that most activities that my children want to do are within an acceptable level of risk. If they want to try something, they are probably capable of handling it.
Is there a precedent? In this case, there was. Jazzy has previously been outside and felt cold and came in to ask for warmer mitts or a hat. I knew that day that if she was cold, she would let me know or she would just come in.
Is it contrary to the values the child has previously demonstrated? This question may not apply to all circumstances. But for example, if my very safety-oriented daughter Anna suddenly wanted to start a fire I would offer her a lot of assistance and supervision. In this case, Jazzy values Freedom and Joy and her actions demonstrated that.

Letting my children make their own choices about things that a parent usually controls has been a good lesson for me. Freedom only exists when no one is trying to control anyone else. I am grateful to my children for teaching me about Freedom.

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Categories : UNconditional Parenting

Hello Friend. Can I Make you a Casserole?

By Patti @ Canadian Unschooler · Comments (5)

Monday, June 25th, 2012

This week I was on the phone with a close friend who was stressing about getting ready for her son’s birthday party. To add to her stress, an extended family member was giving her some grief and she was getting pretty agitated.

Looking at my calendar and seeing less than 10 things on my agenda, I asked “Do you want me to bring you a couple of baked mac’n'cheese casseroles for your party?” She said, “Are you serious?” I said, “Yes.”

And I’m telling you this, not to toot my own horn, but to ask you: Friend, do you need a casserole this week? Or do you know someone who needs YOU to bring a casserole?

You see, sometimes when I’m surfing around the online parenting community I get really upset about the constant mommy-wars. You know: the comparisons where somebody has to be doing it right and everybody else must be doing it wrong. I see a lot of fighting and not a lot of offering each other our support and understanding.

So maybe I think spanking is wrong (which I do think), but I’ve felt the emotion that would have led me to hit my kids if I didn’t already know some alternatives. And maybe I don’t feed my kids Doritos for lunch, but I’ve looked in the fridge and WISHED for a hotdog to appear so that I wouldn’t have to clean and cut up fruits and vegetables and bake bread and put beans to soak for dinner. So I get it when parents reach for something easy to feed their kids. Really. I get it.

If I’ve acted in my head the way other parents act for real, am I really better than them? Or am I just better at empathizing with them and maybe I should just offer them a casserole instead of judging them?

Sometimes parenting is overwhelming, even when we truly believe that parenting is worthy of our best efforts and that our relationships with our children matter more than anything. Maybe we need to ask more “What do you need from me?” and then really listen to the answers. Maybe we need to do more listening as a collective WE as well as listening as individuals and offering our individual support. Maybe we need to get off the internet and into our communities and just give a hand and a listening ear instead of allowing ourselves to be sucked in to the debates and debacles online.

And when I say ‘WE’, I really mean ‘ME’. I need to listen better. I need to reach out more. I need to bake a few more casseroles and be more accessible to my friends and family. I need to show more interest and empathy. I need to avert my precious reading time away from the online mommy-wars and just show love to the mommies I know.

So Friend, do you need me to make you casserole this week? How can I show you some love and support?

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Categories : Uncategorized

This is Our Normal

By Patti @ Canadian Unschooler · Comments (4)

Tuesday, June 19th, 2012

Last week I had the pleasure of hosting an amazing woman who was willing to teach me everything she knows about essential oils in exchange for a place to sleep for a couple of nights.

It’s funny when you know someone online only and when your relationship is strictly ‘business’ and you really don’t know anything personal about each other. Before she came she was completely unaware that I am the mother of 4 unschooling children, that I am breastfeeding a toddler and that we live in a 2 bedroom bungalow.

Not only that, but the day she arrived (after a 6 hour drive) my 23-month-old son became very sick with a fever and vomiting after every time he nursed.

Yup, my sink was stacked with dishes, I hadn’t vacuumed the living room or changed the sheets on her bed, I hadn’t cooked supper and my fridge was pretty much empty.

And you know what? I didn’t panic. In the past, my control-freak-desperate-need-to-impress-others personality would have had me running around trying to tend to my sick babe while being super-duper-housemaker-hero. Instead, I relaxed into accepting what my day had in store and into realizing that I could not control another person’s perception of what was going on at my house.

When my friend called from the road I let her know that my son was sick and she advised me which essential oils to begin to treat him with. And of course when she arrived she was totally unflappable, jumped in to help me and praised me for sitting on the couch with my sick little boy while he nursed and slept.

What a relief! But even if she had chosen not to stay at my house I would have understood. I had accepted that my day would unfold in the way that would be best for us. (But I sure did have the good fortune to learn TONS about essential oils over 2 days! Wow!)

Do you ever feel like you are comfortable and confident with your non-mainstream life with your kids–until your life falls under someone else’s scrutiny? For the longest time I tried to live in a bubble so that I didn’t have to let anyone notice that our values and practices are different from theirs. I lacked the personal integrity to really stand behind my decisions, preferring to blend in rather than risk having to defend myself.

But I no longer feel defensive. I feel Free to be me and I feel completely Joyful about my life with my family.

How can you get comfortable with your normal, no matter how different it is from mainstream living?

Never apologize for being happy. That other people choose to live in angst and frustration is their business. Do not hide your joy because it might be the first glimpse into conscious living that someone else has ever had.
Live in the moment, not in the future. You can’t know what will happen next so just enjoy what you have.
Be clear on your values and live them every moment. That others are not connected to their own integrity does not have to push you out of yours.
Like attracts like. The more you confidently display your joy and love, the more you will bring people to your life who are living at the same vibration as you and your family.

Whatever you do that does not fall in line with mainstream living–drinking raw milk? a family bed? unschooling? living in an RV?–do it confidently. I’d love to hear what non-mainstream aspects of your life you have the hardest time revealing to others. Anonymous comments accepted…

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Categories : Uncategorized

The Great Canadian Unschooling Adventure

By Patti @ Canadian Unschooler · Comments (12)

Wednesday, June 6th, 2012

We’re selling the house and hitting the road!

But not until July 2014.

It’s been in the planning stages for two entire years already but we are finally announcing it to the world at large. And it’ll work like this:

Partner-Guy’s job allows him to bank 20% of his salary each year for 4 years. In the 5th year he’ll get paid that banked money while he takes the year off. It’s been harder than I thought to live on 80% of his salary, but knowing that he will have 12 months off with pay is a great incentive.

So the plan is for us to see Canada from coast to coast to coast. Since we live smack-dab in the middle of this enormous country, we plan to drive all the way EAST first. Rather than find new hotels or campsites each week, we’ll rent a cottage for 2-3 months in one of the Maritime provinces and use that as our home base while we travel a little throughout the region. I absolutely have to see Green Gables in Prince Edward Island and I want to eat lobster every night for a week in Newfoundland. In Nova Scotia and New Brunswick I want to explore the farms and villages. I also want to explore the history of that region, including my personal history–my father arrived on a boat from The Netherlands after WW2 at Pier 21 in Halifax where there is now a museum to honour the many immigrants.

By mid-Fall we intend to start our drive West. We’ll pass through Ontario and reconnect with friends and relatives then keep driving until we hit The Rockies. I really want to spend the winter in a chalet with a mountain view and maybe we’ll even learn to ski. In spring we’ll visit the Queen Charlotte Islands and spend some time learning about the temperate rainforest and the Pacific Ocean.

And before our 12 months is up we’d like to take a plane north to Iqaluit. It is possibly a once in a lifetime opportunity and I can’t imagine missing the Arctic while seeing Canada.

But here is the really, really exciting part:

We’re not coming back to Toronto! Since we’ll be touring the whole country, we expect to find a place that is a perfect fit

Quebec--Summer 2011

for our family to start a new chapter in our lives. I’m leaning toward the eastern countryside of Quebec, but I am truly open to living anywhere, as long as a few criteria are met:

I have to be able to see the sunrise and the sunset from my front porch.
The weather and soil has to be suitable for growing vegetables and berries.
The house has to be big enough for at least 3 bedrooms + a learning studio + a home office.
There must be really good Internet!
It has to be accessible by car.

And preferably there will be lots of trees and our neighbours will not be able to see into our house from their driveway. You know what I mean!

So why are we doing this?

Because the best way to learn the history, geography and culture of Canada is to experience it.
Because to really understand the World, you need to understand where you come from.
Because we really love being together as a family and having unique experiences to add to our family lore.
Because even though I always tell my children that they can do anything they put their minds to, I am scared shitless to take this trip and so I am determined to step outside of my comfort zone.
Because we don’t want to live in Toronto anymore but we don’t know where to go. Yet.
Because I have spent my entire life watching other people do amazing and interesting things and thought “Wow. I could never do that” but I don’t think that way anymore.
Because we each only get one life to live and I can’t think of any reason to stay in this tiny bungalow in this boring neighbourhood for the rest of mine.

Now tell me: What part of Canada do think we should ABSOLUTELY see on our trip? AND can we visit you?

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Categories : UNschool Today!

Unschooling with Vision and Purpose

By Patti @ Canadian Unschooler · Comments (0)

Tuesday, June 5th, 2012

There are so many ways to define what an Unschooling lifestyle looks like, but most unschooling families would agree that it means that the children set their own agendas for learning at their own pace. That is true in our family, but it does not happen in a vacuum. In other words, my children do set their own agendas but they do it within the context of our values and vision. There are 3 main areas that I focus on and do my best to create an environment and family culture where it will be easy for my children to assimilate certain skills and attitudes.

1. Life Skills

I’ve heard parents say that various activities are life skills, everything from laundry to skating to karate. My definition of life skills are skills that will enable my children to take care of themselves no matter where in the world they are living. So to me, being able to cook Kraft Dinner is not a life skill. Neither is skating. (Although I might be convinced that swimming is a life skill.)

I want my children to be able to prepare and enjoy a wide variety of fruits and vegetables. I want them to know how to put seeds in the Earth and tend them until they are ready for harvest. I want them to be able to assemble common ingredients into things like bread or biscuits, soup or stew. I want them to know what different herbs and spices are used for.

I also want them to feel at ease with many different holistic health practices. I want them to be utterly comfortable with and knowledgeable about their own bodies, inside and out. I want them to know that they can have clean hair and teeth and underarms without smelly products that come in packages and contain lots of chemicals.

And I want them to have the skills to knit a blanket or to sew on a patch or to shorten a pair of pants. There are many places in the world where taking care of your own clothing is a normal part of culture and I want my children to be able to fit in no matter where they happen to be. And I want them to be able to swing a hammer, care for a flock of chickens, paddle a canoe and oil a bicycle chain.

For me, life skills that are only relevant in suburban North America are not enough. I really hope to empower my children to feel confident and comfortable meeting their personal needs anywhere.

2. The Pursuit of Passion

If our Unschooling Adventure doesn’t lead to my children discovering their passions and exploring every topic of interest, then I will have completely failed as their mother and facilitator. I consider it to be my top job to provide my children–collectively and individually–with many diverse opportunities to explore and learn. And I also need to make sure that they have ample TIME to practice and perform and enjoy their skills, strengths and interests.

And their passions don’t have to be limited to one specific skill. Maybe one of my children will love outdoor adventure. Or raw-foodism. Or foreign travel. Or dog grooming. (Ha ha ha. That was a joke. If you know me, you know that I hate dogs. I’m not sure what I would do if one of my children had a passion for dogs!)

I always think that the real gift of Unschooling is just the TIME that my children and I have to pursue what we love to do. Our activities and pursuits do change, but always we have enough time to engage for as long as we want to until we are satisfied and satiated. It’s what Freedom and Joy are all about.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come

alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people

who have come alive.”

– Howard Thurman

3. A Sense of Self with a Global Perspective

I hardly know how to describe this vision that I hope to instil in my children as they grow. It’s about spirituality and self-awareness and power and wisdom. But it’s also about knowing that we are important to the Earth and that we each have a role to play in the improvement of humanity. It’s about creating what we want from life, not just physically, but also mentally, emotionally, energetically and spiritually. I want them to know that each person of Earth values their own lives as much as we value ours, and that we must make our choices to reflect the value of each life.

I want them to know that it is not their job to please other people but that it IS their responsibility to be kind, patient and generous. I want them to value each person’s time, energy and money as they value their own. I want them to know that their power comes from within them and that it can never be diminished and also that they can extend power to others through their thoughts, words and deeds.

What is your Vision and Purpose in Unschooling?

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Categories : The Education Revolution, UNschool Today!

The Rights of Homeschooling Families

By Patti @ Canadian Unschooler · Comments (0)

Tuesday, May 29th, 2012

A few years ago, Partner-Guy was assigned to teach a Grade 2/3 class. One of his Grade 2 students had only just begun attending school near the end of the Grade 1 year. The child was a mess. He couldn’t sit still. He cried. He picked on other kids. He wanted friends so desperately that he was practically stalking some of the boys in the class. And worst of all, according to his other teachers, he couldn’t read.

The principal and the other teachers were horrified. The boy hadn’t been socialized. Academically, he was way behind his peers. Imagine that! A six-year-old boy who couldn’t read! (It might be hard for you to know how heavily this paragraph is dripping with sarcasm…)

The school never got the whole story on why the boy hadn’t attended the first three years of school. Nor did Partner-Guy ever learn why he had been sent to school, except that the parents did divulge to him that CAS (the Children’s Aid Society) had told them that he had to go to school. Apparently the boy had an older brother who had ended up in a Special Education program and the parents had hoped to avoid the stigma of having another child in Special Education so they had kept him out of school all together.

I don’t know exactly what happened in that family, but I can imagine that the older brother mentioned one day to a friend or teacher that his little brother didn’t go to school. And then he was likely asked “What does he do all day?” and the brother responded “He rides around in my dad’s tow truck.” An adult likely contacted CAS and when the family was unable to produce any evidence that the child was doing school at home, they were told that the child would have to go to school. And maybe there were underlying issues that Partner-Guy never heard about. Maybe CAS had been involved with the family for other reasons. Or maybe the boy was left at home alone rather than spending the day with his father learning the family tow truck business. I don’t know.

What I do know is that these are the types of scenarios that give all homeschoolers a bad name. Mainstream culture, and teachers especially, think that children can only learn to read and write if an adult teaches them how to do it. They picture that children who don’t attend school spend their days sitting at the kitchen table doing school work assigned by the parent. It is inconceivable to them that a child could spend the day working along side a parent in an adult environment and be able to learn all the things that he would need to know to become a productive citizen of the 21st century.

I wrote in a previous post that homeschooling–keeping a child out of school–is completely legal in Ontario. In fact, the school is obligated to accept the parent’s declaration that they will provide for the child’s education. Only under certain circumstances is an investigation launched into whether or not the parent is actually providing a learning environment for the child.

I feel sorry for this family who likely believed that they were doing what was best for their son by keeping him out of school. Forcing the homeschooled child to school is a no-win situation for everyone. Yes, the boy was a trouble maker at school, but that makes so much sense when you consider how desperate the boy was to fit into his new daily environment. The school (i.e. the teachers and principal) became forced to cope with the needs of a child who felt displaced, scared and abandoned. The teachers could only focus on making the child conform to their beliefs about how a child his age should act and learn. He may not have learned to read in the tow truck, but he was learning.

Our family doesn’t live in constant fear of being investigated for not sending our children to school, but it is something we’re aware of and we take some precautions. Here are some suggestions for how to protect your family from unwanted attention:

Don’t talk to people about the private learning of your children. If neighbours or other random people ask about the homeschooling of your children make a general comment like “I’m just amazed at how much they’re learning!” You don’t have be specific. It’s none of their business.
Photograph and date artwork and printing by your child about once per month. This is an easy way to record progress without trying to create something that resembles a report card.
Record family activities and events. Include trips, lessons and outings to places like the Science Centre or even an indoor playground. Keep it simple: you can just record it on your calendar and then keep your calendars each year.
Know your rights! If someone shows up at your door from CAS or the Ministry of Education you do not have to show or tell them anything until you contact a lawyer, your spouse, a homeschooling friend or whoever is going to support and protect you and your children.
Don’t advertise other aspects of your children’s lives. People make all kinds of assumptions without knowing the whole story. So don’t talk publicly about your 5-year-old who is still nursing or your family bed. You know what I mean.
Join the Ontario Federation of Teaching Parents. If you need help or advice you’ll be glad you paid your membership.

Every homeschooling situation is unique, just like every family is unique. I believe that within my lifetime, homeschooling will be as common as getting as a tattoo: it’s not for everyone and those who chose it do so for a huge variety of reasons.

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Categories : UNschool Today!

Should Schools be Feeding Students?

By Patti @ Canadian Unschooler · Comments (4)

Monday, May 28th, 2012

The Globe and Mail is running a series called ‘Fit to Learn’ about children’s health and academic success. Saturday’s article asks Are schools going too far in measuring student BMI and putting in junk food bans?

When asked about who should take on the responsibility for feeding children healthy food and whether schools should provide breakfasts and lunches, Catherine Parsonage, executive director of the Toronto Foundation for Student Success is quoted as saying “Of course it’s not the responsibility of schools. But we are the best delivery point, because by law you know this is where children are going to be.”

Really, Ms Parsonage? By law? That’s where children are going to be?

Perhaps people who are going to quote the Education Act of Ontario should actually read it first rather than perpetuating the lie that tells parents that the law forbids them to keep their children out of schools.

Section 21, Subsection 2 says:

(2) A person is excused from attendance at school if,

(a) the person is receiving satisfactory instruction at home or elsewhere;

It’s that simple. In fact, the province of Ontario has among the most liberal homeschooling laws in the entire world. We are not required by law to provide lesson plans, evidence of learning or to participate in standardized tests. My legal obligations to the government with regards to my children began and ended when I registered their births.

But besides informing Ms Parsonage that she is simply wrong about the laws of Ontario, I’d really like to ask her if she is aware that around 3% of children in Ontario are being homeschooled. And I’d like to know if a random sampling of homeschooled children were to be compared to a random sampling of schooled children specifically concerning their BMI, fitness and academic achievement, what would we find? Are homeschooled children just as likely as their counterparts to eat an unhealthy diet, live a sedentary life and be obese? If yes, will the government be helping to lower the weight of obese homeschooled children, too?

And what if it turned out that homeschooled children were by and large more healthy, less likely to be obese and generally more fit and active than their schooled peers? Would the government like to give us a plausible explanation for this?

Because frankly, I’m really curious. If school is the commonality among children who are unfit or obese, then why is school being seen as the sole venue to solve the problem? Can the source of the problem be the solution? If the responsibility lies with the parents, then why are the schools stepping up to solve the problem at all?

For two years I taught Grade 6 in a predominantly white, English-speaking working/middle class neighbourhood, where most families had two incomes and owned their homes. I was required to teach a unit on nutrition, and I gave my class a challenge to not eat any junk food for 48 hours. They accepted that they couldn’t eat candy, chips or soda, but they were STUNNED that they also couldn’t eat fries, pizza, hamburgers, hotdogs, donuts, ice cream, popsicles, pudding, cake or cookies. Their parents showed up to ask me “So what are they supposed to eat? Lettuce?” Uh, ……yes.

You see, the more the school takes on the role of parent, the more parenting can be avoided by the actual parents. The school system has made it easy for parents to avoid important but uncomfortable topics like sexuality, health and nutrition, and lifestyle choices. So even ‘good’ parents allow themselves to be relieved of some of their responsibilities. They even stop trying. I have seen for example, that parents don’t have to put effort into learning about what the healthy eating habits of adolescents should look like, because the school will tell their children what to eat. And what if the children won’t eat healthily? Well, it’s the school’s fault, of course.

I say we stop making it so easy for parents to turn the raising of their children over to the schools. The ‘Eat Healthy’ campaign will be no more effective than the ‘Don’t do Drugs’ campaign has been for the past 20 years.

In this province, the money for health care comes out of the same pocket as the money for education. If the government really wanted to use the money for one to reduce the money required for the other, they would. The real question is, Why aren’t they?

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Why Wouldn’t We Already Feel GOOD?

By Patti @ Canadian Unschooler · Comments (2)

Friday, May 25th, 2012

I have an idea.

Let’s create a village of 1000-2500 people. Let’s tell them that they HAVE TO go there; that their entire lives depend on it. And let’s create rules and standards and let’s make 10% of the people in the village responsible for enforcing these rules and standards. The Enforcers will have no ability to punish or motivate the other 90%–you know, the Regulars– and they will mostly lack the skills to inspire anyone, but we’ll give them the responsibility anyway.

Now let’s make it the responsibility of the Enforcers to tell everyone in the village that they are not allowed to eat sugar because sugar is bad for them and will ruin their lives. The Enforcers will think of the village as a ‘safe zone’ where everyone will agree that sugar is bad and no one will choose to eat it.

Except that the Regulars in the village have found many sources for sugar. And they share it amongst themselves secretly. A lot of them eat sugar at least once per week and some eat sugar every day. Many of the Enforcers know about this and pretend not to know and continue to tell everyone how bad eating sugar is. Some of the Enforcers even eat sugar too, but of course they would never admit this.

Everyone outside the village is enraged that so many Regulars in the village are eating sugar. They blame the Enforcers and they look for a few of the Regulars to blame the sugar-eating on. No one ever considers that maybe all the Regulars should leave the village to get away from the available sugar because, after all, the entire future of the Regulars depends on them being IN the village and following–or pretending to follow–the rules and standards of the Enforcers.

Hundreds of villages like this continue to exist and every one has the same problem–the Enforcers say ‘Don’t eat sugar’ but the Regulars find and eat sugar as often as they want. Every village continues as it always has.

You know what I’ve just described, right?

Highschool.

And you know what the sugar is, right?

Drugs.

A friend’s 15-year-old daughter just completed a big project and presentation on drug use and it’s dangers for one of her classes. I commented to the friend that I’m sure it’s great project, but what was the point? To get kids not to use drugs? Because it’s going to have absolutely no effect on that decision whatsoever.

My friend was somewhat offended. ”So how are kids supposed to learn that drugs are bad if they don’t learn it at school?”

Let’s just say that she and I will not being seeing eye-to-eye on that issue.

I think drug education begins in the home at an early age. Last winter the police raided a house in my neighbourhood that was a marijuana grow-op. I told my children exactly what had been going on in that house as we watched the officers remove hundreds of plants. I explained how some people choose to do things to their bodies that feel good for a while but do long-term damage that they may not discover for a long time. I explained how sometimes people feel so sad or broken or angry or lonely or scared or confused that they don’t care if they damage their bodies–they just want to feel better. I explained that sometimes when we are with people who act that way that we might get confused and think that we might need to put drugs into our bodies too to make us feel good.

My daughters looked at me in surprise. Why wouldn’t we already feel good? Why would we wreck our perfectly healthy bodies? Why indeed.

Friends, it is not enough for parents and teachers to say “Don’t use drugs. Drugs are bad.” My Partner-Guy’s 17-year-old niece estimates that 3/4 of the kids in her highschool use illegal or illegally obtained drugs or excessive alcohol at least once per week and that of those kids, 1/2 do it every day. Her numbers may be a little off, but that is apparently her experience. The Don’t-Use-Drugs message isn’t working, and parents, teachers, administrators and journalists(!) need to stop being shocked by the number of kids using drugs.

You can’t create a village where drugs are easily accessible and then tell kids not to use them. Is 75% of the general population using illegal or illegally obtained drugs at least once per week? I kind of doubt it. So why have we created a place for kids to create a culture where drugs are more or less OK that is unique only to them? Why do we sanction this behaviour as ‘normal’? Why do we expect teens to ‘rebel’ and ‘experiment’ and then act with moral outrage that they didn’t learn any better how to behave?

I’m not a perfect parent and I don’t know what the future holds for my children and I. But I know from the research that people who feel hurt or scared or lonely or unloved or confused or violated or neglected or angry are far more likely to abuse their bodies with drugs than people who are secure, confident, self-motivated and loved. I am grateful for the knowledge and tools to raise my children where they can experience security, confidence and love as a daily part of their lives. I can’t live their lives for them or protect them from every upset or disappointment, and I don’t want to. But I can give them tools to handle the hard times. I can accept them as they are every day. I can inspire them to pursue their full potentials.

And I can keep them out of the artificial culture created in schools so that they can live authentically and grow in their own truth and wisdom.

Yes. I can.

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